| My bad day actually ended on a good note. I'm excited.
I woke up after having a nightmare about the person I despise the most at this point in my life. I'm just going to repeat the following mantra until I no longer want to strangle them: "I do not care. I do not care. I do not care. I do not care..." Oh, wait. That makes it worse.
Then, it started off by having lunch with the world's greatest father. Yeah. Everytime I see him I am reminded of why I hate him so much. It's as if every standard fatherly obligation is too much to ask of him. As if coming to see his only daughter is such a burden. He's in luck, though. I'll be going to California in 6 weeks, and then I'll be out of his hair. He's done with the child support and he's not paying for college, so, financially, he's done with me. He's never been to a dance competition. Ever. He'd only been to my high school twice in the four years I had attended that school. He hasn't met my teachers since kindergarden. He's met my boyfriend, once, at my 18th birthday party. (After I had dated him for over a year and a half.) He hasn't seen me cry since I was 6 years old. (That's saying a lot since I cry basically every day.) So... he's basically not a parent anyway. So, why should I even care about him anymore, right?
Then, I went to the eye doctor. Yes, the worst place in the world. I get so nervous and worked up about that. I have no problems with the regular doctor, the dentist, the guy at that screws around and hurts my muscles whenever I break something in dance. But, I can't deal with anyone messing with my eyes. Ugh. And, I need new glasses. I don't even wear the ones that I have now. I still have that ridiculous headache from all of the lights and drops he put into my pupils. They're still dialated. I felt like a 2 year old getting a shot while I was waiting in that ridiculous chair awaiting his arrival. I just wanted to cry.
But, then I saw Michael. Then, everything was okay. We went to see Anchorman. (Funny, parts of it were reminiscent of those DVTV days.) I just sat there and let him play with my hair and run his fingers up and down my inner thigh. As I cuddled into his chest I knew that there was nowhere else I'd rather be. I'm still in so love with him. I think I'm just having a slight quarter life crisis, but I'll overcome it. I'm safe when I'm with him. I'm home. He's familiar and he's crazy in love with me and... I need that in my life right now. While everything else seems to be drastically dropping out of my life all at once, he's always been there. Honestly, he's the only person who's always been there to hold me through the rough times. And, I love him for it. I need him. I need to know that I can always call him when the dancers are being bitches or my deadbeat dad upsets me or I miss my Ashley or I just want to be held. I love him. |
